Intimacy

Spicy questions for couples

45 intimate questions, from mild to bold: foreplay, oral, positions, orgasms, fantasies and more. And how to answer them without the awkwardness.

Updated October 16, 2026

Two wooden mannequins sitting back to back on a bed, each answering on their own phone

Asking your partner what they want in bed sounds simple until it is time to ask. There is the fear of hearing “no”, of scaring them off, of sounding like something is missing. That is why so much of what both people want never gets said.

The questions below come from the Intimacy quiz. They go from mild to bold, grouped by the same chapters as the app. Use them as a game, out loud, or answer them in private and see only what you have in common.

How to use these questions

  • Answer each one with one of four options: no, if my partner wants, yes, or very much.
  • Take turns: one question each, no rush and no audience.
  • No answer needs a justification. A “no” closes that question.
  • If an answer surprises you, save it for a calm talk later.

Kissing and foreplay

  1. Kiss for a long time before sex?
  2. Give your partner a full-body oil massage?
  3. Do a striptease for your partner?
  4. Get your partner off with your hand?

Oral

  1. Go down on your partner?
  2. Do a 69?
  3. Go down on your partner until they come?

Penetration and positions

  1. Be on top?
  2. Missionary, looking into each other’s eyes?
  3. Have sex doggy style?
  4. Have sex standing up?
  5. Sitting, one in the other’s lap?

Anal

  1. Stimulate your partner’s anus with your finger?
  2. Penetrate your partner anally?

Orgasm and finishing

  1. Come at the same time?
  2. Come more than once in the same session?
  3. Bring your partner close to orgasm and stop, again and again?

Moments and places

  1. Have sex right after waking up?
  2. Have sex in the shower?
  3. Have sex in other rooms: the kitchen, the sofa, the table?
  4. Go to a love motel (rooms by the hour)?

Talk, words and affection

  1. Talk dirty during sex?
  2. Moan loudly, without holding back?
  3. Say in the moment what you want your partner to do?
  4. Cuddle afterwards?

Toys

  1. Use a vibrator on your partner?
  2. Penetrate your partner with a dildo?

Dominance and submission

  1. Dominate your partner?
  2. Tie up or handcuff your partner?
  3. Blindfold your partner?
  4. Decide when your partner gets to come?

Pain and intensity

  1. Pull your partner’s hair?
  2. Spank your partner?
  3. Leave hickeys and marks on your partner?

Fantasy and role-play

  1. Pretend you’re strangers meeting for the first time?
  2. Play a boss, doctor or police officer with your partner?
  3. Wear a costume or uniform for your partner?

Exhibition and recording

  1. Film yourselves having sex?
  2. Watch porn together?
  3. Have sex in front of a mirror?
  4. Have sex in a public place?

Other people and fetishes

  1. Have a threesome with another woman?
  2. Have a threesome with another man?
  3. Go to a swingers’ club together?
  4. Have sex with someone else while your partner watches?
Two wooden mannequins lying on a bed, looking at the result on a phone together

Why answering in private works

Out loud, every answer is a small risk: whoever asks exposes themselves, whoever says “no” feels they have to explain. When you both answer alone and only the overlap shows up, nobody has to go first. If you wanted something and your partner did not, it simply never appears.

That is how Intimacy works: 13 chapters, each person answers at their own pace, and the result shows what you both want, from “if my partner wants” to “very much”. Six bolder chapters (Secret Desires) can be answered for free; their result is part of Premium.

Frequently asked questions

What questions can spice up a relationship?

Start with what you already do (kissing, foreplay, favorite positions) and move on to what is new (toys, fantasies, places). Asking “would you like to…?” works better than “why do we never…?”.

What if my partner says no?

A “no” is an answer, not a rejection of you. Say thanks and move on to the next one. When you answer in private, as in Intimacy, the “no”s never show up at all.

Can we ask these questions over text?

You can, but without tone of voice it is easy to misread. If you do it in writing, a quiz where each of you answers separately and only sees what you share avoids misunderstandings.

Read next