Intimacy

The most common sexual fantasies for couples

Dominance, tying up and blindfolds, spanking and biting, role play, being watched, threesomes: the fantasies couples share most, and how to bring yours up without scaring your partner.

Updated October 16, 2026

One wooden mannequin massaging the other's back on a candlelit bed

Having fantasies is normal. Having one does not mean you want to act it out: some are best kept in your head, others become an unforgettable night when you both want them. The hard part is knowing which kind each one is without putting the relationship at risk to find out.

These are the fantasies that come up most between couples, with some of the questions Intimacy asks about each one.

Dominance and submission

One person leads, the other lets go. It can be as simple as whispering orders or go as far as tying up, blindfolding and deciding when the other may come. The appeal is trust: whoever lets go knows they can stop everything with one word.

Dominance and submission

  1. Dominate your partner?
  2. Tie up or handcuff your partner?
  3. Blindfold your partner?
  4. Decide when your partner gets to come?

Intensity: spanking, hair pulling and marks

For many people a little force turns things up: a tug of the hair, a slap on the butt, a bite. The rule is to agree beforehand on how much, where and the signal to stop, and to talk afterwards about how it felt.

Pain and intensity

  1. Pull your partner’s hair?
  2. Spank your partner?
  3. Leave hickeys and marks on your partner?

Role play

Pretending to be strangers at a bar, wearing a costume, playing an authority figure. Role play gives permission to be someone else for a night, and many people discover a side they do not show day to day.

Fantasy and role-play

  1. Pretend you’re strangers meeting for the first time?
  2. Play a boss, doctor or police officer with your partner?
  3. Wear a costume or uniform for your partner?

Being seen, watching yourselves and filming

Sex in front of a mirror, filming to watch later, the thrill that someone might see from the balcony. If you film, agree on where the file lives and who can delete it: consent covers the video too.

Exhibition and recording

  1. Have sex in front of a mirror?
  2. Film yourselves having sex?
  3. Watch porn together?
  4. Have sex in a public place?

Other people: threesomes and swinging

One of the most common fantasies and one of the most delicate. For some couples it stays in the imagination or in dirty talk; others visit a swingers’ club to see how it feels. This is the fantasy where it matters most to know the desire is mutual before taking any step.

Other people and fetishes

  1. Have a threesome with another woman?
  2. Have a threesome with another man?
  3. Go to a swingers’ club together?
  4. Have sex with someone else while your partner watches?
Two wooden mannequins on a sofa, foreheads touching, phones put away

How to share a fantasy with your partner

  1. Pick a calm moment, out of bed and far from an argument.
  2. Start with what you enjoy about what you already do. A fantasy is an addition, not a complaint.
  3. Talk about it as a curiosity, not a request: “I’ve been curious about…”.
  4. Ask how your partner feels about it and accept a “no” or a “maybe” without pushing.
  5. If you both want it, agree on limits and a safe word before trying.
  6. Afterwards, talk about how it went. That is what makes the next time better.

If starting the conversation feels impossible, let the answers speak first. In Intimacy, these fantasies live in the Secret Desires chapters: each person answers in private and only what you both want shows up. Answering is free; the result of those chapters is part of Premium.

Frequently asked questions

Is it normal to fantasize about other people?

Yes. Fantasizing about other people is very common and does not mean the relationship is unhappy. If a fantasy is only imagination, it does not need to become action.

Should I share all my fantasies?

No. Some fantasies are just yours. It is worth sharing the ones you would like to act out with your partner, ideally after finding out whether the desire is mutual.

What is a safe word?

A word agreed beforehand, one that would not normally come up during sex, that stops everything immediately. It is essential for dominance, restraints and any play involving force.

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